Creepy rubber vampire mouth in a can

Aw, jeez, I'm not even sure how to describe this product without getting banned by Google Adsense for life.

Okay, kids... Let's say that your daddy goes away on a lot of business trips, trips that keep him away from home for days and days. On those long nights while he's all alone in his cheap, poorly-lit hotel room, he misses your mommy terribly. He misses her in that special way that, um, daddies miss mommies.

Now, naturally he doesn't want to cheat on your mommy. And besides, he's fearful of the strange diseases he might catch from the painted ladies who work down by the docks. So, in his suitcase, he carries a little... object. A... horrible little rubber thing. With a mouth.

Now, let's also say that your daddy is a big vampire fan. Like, he's into vampires way too much. The lady vamps on True Blood get him all swoony. Or maybe he's a big Twilight fan; your daddy could be gay, I'm not judging. Well, now there's a product on the market that will make your vampire-loving daddy very happy. It's called the Succu Dry, and it has a little rubber vampire mouth. With pink teeth. Now, when your daddy is having his late night hotel room lonesome times, he can use the Succu Dry to stimulate his, er, imagination.



Dear lord. By trying to make this thing sound not dirty, I've just written a blog entry that makes me want to go take a 3-hour shower and scrub off a few layers of skin.


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